A Broken Heart

SUMMARY

Karl Ihfe explores the devastating relational brokenness in David's family from 2 Samuel 13, where David's failure to act at critical moments led to catastrophic consequences. Despite David's love for his children, he failed at three crucial crossroads: he wouldn't confront Amnon after raping Tamar, he refused to truly listen to Absalom after years of estrangement, and he didn't speak the necessary words until after Absalom's death when all he could say was "my son, my son."

Ihfe challenges us to recognize similar crossroads in our own relationships, emphasizing that love requires more than feelings—it demands courageous action. Whether confronting difficult situations, truly listening to others, or speaking words that need to be said (like "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you"), we must act before regret sets in. The sermon concludes by pointing to Jesus as "the living Word" (John 1:14) who doesn't just feel love but actively intervenes in our lives.

TRANSCRIPTION:

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. You roll out of bed and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe, wondering, was she even here? Is she standing in my room? No, she's not, because she's gone. The opening line to a song John Mayer wrote called Dreaming with a Broken Heart.

Last week was a tough week, was a tough story in David's life. Unfortunately, this week it's going to get tougher. I know some of us have been dreaming with broken hearts these days. We recognize around us the relational brokenness that has just invaded our world and it's all too often invaded our lives. Maybe the worst type of heartbreak is relational heartbreak.

We saw it last week in David's story with Bathsheba. We saw how his sin and attempted cover up just created this ripple effect of brokenness and pain and grief and loss in his family. And we're going to see it again this week. No doubt David loved his family. He loved them deeply.

But as we'll see, love is not enough. At least not if what Too often we think love is just a feeling. It's going to take more than that. Love requires more than that. Real love requires action.

Real love requires making some decisions and acting and speaking on behalf of for the good of the other in our life. This morning I wants to think together about how David's family is going and where it goes and how our family is going and where it's going. You know, last week David faced a few crossroads in his relationship and this opportunity to come clean or to cover up and move on, he's go going toa face another couple of crossroads this morning. My hope is that we can learn from his story that we don't have to follow in the same pathway to learn the same thing, but we might learn something new. You see, David's life in theological terms, the scholars would put it was a train wreck, to put it mildly.

Have you ever been at a family event and just over the course of that event thought to yourself, you know, my family's not perfect?

Maybe your spouse helped you come to that realization about your family, maybe a good friend. Well, here's a list of some of the things that David's family, maybe his family values, if you will, and just compare contrast for a moment here. Polygamy, substance abuse, estrangement, vandalism, hatred, lust, rape, adultery, murder, incest, coveting, selfishness. Now, anybody have a family that could outdo that list? I'm hoping no.

I'm hoping no. As 2 Samuel 13 opens up. We get baptized into the story once again of the devastation of relational heartbreak. We learn that Amnon, who is David's oldest, his firstborn son, has this sexual obsession with his half sister, Tamar. And it's so deep that he is physically ill.

He can't get out of bed. Now, David has no idea. He's completely clueless in this. But all Amnon can think about is Tamar and having her. And so he concocts this plan with a friend of his.

And David, again being so clueless, he's actually the one who sends Tamar to check on Amnon. And when she walks into the room, thinking she's there to help, he tries to get her to sleep with him. And she, of course, refuses, will not have any part of it.

But he overpowers her and he rapes her. And then the scripture tells us this.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, get up and get out. No, she said, sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me. But he refused to listen.

He called his personal servant and said, get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. Now, she was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. That's a terrible story. You’ve ever noticed this dehumanizing theme that runs in stories like David's?

This idea of when one person is sinning against another, they refuse to use their name. They refuse to even acknowledge the relationship. We saw this last week with David, go, tell me, who is that woman? And the servant comes back and says, isn't that woman someone's daughter? Isn't that woman someone's wife?

We saw it earlier in Saul's story, when Saul gets so mad at Jonathan for standing up on behalf of David that he says, you son of a wicked and perverse woman. He doesn't say, my son. He doesn't say, my boy. Maybe you remember the story that Jesus tells of the prodigal son who runs off, and when he returns, the older brother. Do remember what he says, this son of yours, dad?

He didn't say, my brother. The servant says, your brother has returned. The dad comes out and pleads with him, your brother is here.

See, there's this tendency when sin creeps into our lives, right? We do the same thing when we're sinning against another person. Number one we don't think about it as sinning against another person, but we find ways to dehumanize them. That woman, that guy, those people. Those people.

And it helps us kind of make that distance, that separation. Amnon says, get this woman out of here.

This woman, Tamar. Imagine what went through her mind when she hears that bolt click into place. She walked right through that door with her innocence intact. And then she walks out the same door, broken and devastated, humiliated.

Tamar is the only one in this story who shows any sign of courage and boldness, who has any integrity. You see, Amnon's counting on her silence. He tries to pressure her to stay silent, but she won't. She boldly proclaims, what's happened to her, right? She tears that robe that's only meant for a certain group of people, and that's the virgin daughters of the king.

She tears it. She puts ashes on her head. She cries out weeping bitterly, right? She's trusting in the character of her father. And her father is not just some guy.

Her father is the king. Her father has all the power. He can make things right. He can provide justice. Her brother Absalom finds out what happens, and he invites her to come into his home, and that's where she'll live the rest of her days.

And together they wait every day, hoping for justice to come. Only those days turn into weeks and those weeks turn into years.

We're told in 2 Samuel 13 verse 21. When King David heard of all this, he was furious.

It's just a feeling. He didn't do anything.

He doesn't follow it up. And we don't know why. The text doesn't tell us. Why didn't David do anything? Maybe he was too busy being king.

I got things to do, people to see. You go. Well, that doesn't jive with David. Maybe he was afraid of how Amnon would respond to him. Parents, have you ever not done something because you were concerned how your kid would respond?

You knew it was the right thing to do, but they kind of freak out a little bit. They kind of cause a scene. I don’t want to be embarrassed.

Maybe this situation just felt a little too familiar to David.

I mean, think about this is a story about a guy who sees a woman and he obsesses over her. So he uses his power and influence to bring her to have his way with her, and then he discards her. I mean, where in the world would Amnon have learned a story like that? Oh, maybe David is s paralyzed by his own brokenness. See, David, when he most needed to do something, anything, does nothing.

He didn't do anything to save his daughter, to stand up on her behalf. It's a huge relational crossroad here. First one he points us to, he says, it's the confrontation crossroad. It's that moment when you see something that you know needs to be addressed, a line has been crossed, or it's about to be. Something is wrong in a relationship and you know, I need to do something.

But you're tempted. It's going to get messy. It's going to be hard. It could cause some conflict. Now, as a nine on the enneagram, that stresses me out just thinking about it.

This is not even my problem and I'm already going m. How will he respond? You know, addressing it is going to take courage. It's going to take a willingness to be in the uncomfortable. How do you respond? How do you respond at this confrontation Crossroads?

Maybe it's a relationship for you at school where it's going to be in a couple of weeks. Maybe it's at work for some of us. Maybe it's with a spouse or a family member, a kid, a loved one who lives in our home. Maybe it's some other situation. How do you respond when you see and come to that courage?

Crossroads was laughing this week. Got a call from a buddy. He was here last week and he said, hey, man, I was thinking about you this week as I was driving because I came up to an intersection and guess what color the light was? Yellow. And guess what I did?

And he said, I was through the intersection before I thought, oh, man, I just blew. I'm going to have to call and confess. So he called and confessed. I said, you're forgiven.

Don't let it happen again. But see, this first crossroads leaves us with this question. What will you do? Will you ignore it? Will you hope and pray that it just goes away?

Will you try to sweep it under the rug or will you confront it? Will you confront it? Says a parent. This resonates. Know Kaylee and I are raising our kiddos.

We set all kinds of boundaries for our kids. We had to do some confrontation. And you know how it went? Amazing. I mean, I wrote down in my journal, I was looking back this week and one of their responses was, thank you, father and mother, for showing me how boundaries can protect me and lead me in a better way.

And we said, you're welcome. No, it went just like you thought. It was a disaster. It was tough. Why?

Kids push boundaries. They test them why? That's what kids do. Like, that's kind of their thing. But as parents, we've got to learn when we're standing at that confrontation crossroads to.

To stop and go, okay, what do I need to say? What do I need to do?

There's a crossroads that you're facing in your life right now, relational one. It's a confrontation one. And you're tempted to just let it go. You're tempted to just ignore it, to just pretend it's not there. You know, what's crazy about this is you can do that so long that it starts to feel normal, Right?

Someone is just wreaking havoc in your relational world. But you can't confront it. You won't. And you just learn to live with it. Well, that's just so and so.

They're just going to crank all the way into the grave.

Will you confront it? You see, David, wouldn't we find out? Notice how verse 23 starts out this way? Two years later. What?

It's been two years since this terrible event, this tragedy, this tragic moment where Amnon rapes his sister. And for two years, nothing. Two years of embarrassment and heartbreak for Tamar. But it's been two years of anger and frustration and scheming for Absalom. Any respect that he had for his father, it disappeared long ago, and it's only been replaced with hate.

And he figures, if dad doesn't have the guts to do something, I'll take care of it. I'll step up. I'll do something. And so he does. He plots the story Melanie read for us just a moment ago.

Absalom avenges his sister by killing his brother Amnon. But he knows he can't stick around. So he runs off into captivity, or rather into exile. Excuse me. And we're told this Absalom, having fled to Gesher, stayed there for three years.

David's heart, the heart of the king. It went out yearning for Absalom, for he was now consoled over the death of Amnon. We take the two years that went by after the rape, we take another three years in exile, and what have we got? We're still left empty. David's not responding.

Where’s david in all this? He's doing nothing. His heart longs for his son, right? He loves his son. He loves his family.

He has these feelings, but he's not doing anything about them. He's not acting. You see, love requires something more from us, requires much more. All too often, David didn't act. The text tells us that he yearned for Absalom, but he won't do anything.

So as Chief of Staff, Joab kind of steps in, tries to broker a deal to bring Absalom back into the city. And David finally agrees. And I can't help but wonder what Absalom was thinking, as he knows now from Joab that the king is allowing you to come back home. He what's my dad going to do? What's he going to say?

How's he going to respond? Will he forgive me or will it be worse? Brings us to the second crossroads that points us to that David faces. Here is the listening crossroad. The listening crossroad.

Well, David take time to really listen. Will he take a moment to consider, to sit down with his son and to hear him? This will be a defining moment for Absalom. It's going to be another defining moment for David. And here's what the text tells us.

The king agrees to bring his son home. But he said, let him go to his own house. He is not to come into my presence. So Absalom, he goes to his own house, not into the king's presence. See, David won't let Absalom see his face when he most needed his father to listen, when he most needed him to sit down and to walk with him through the pain and the disappointment and the shame and the anger and the fear and the terrible decisions.

I mean, what kind of conversation could David have said, man, I've been there, man, I've wrecked things so badly. In fact, that's part of why we're here today. Let's talk about how to move forward. Let's do it a different way. Could you maybe be the first generation to try to get out ahead of these things?

He won't see his son. Absalom tries to see David. He in fact, reaches out to Joab. But Joab won't return his phone calls. And.

And so finally he gets so fed up, he lives next door to Job. He sets his fields on fire. And you're going, what? I mean, that's kind of extreme. Yeah, it is.

He wasn't trying to do it and get away with it. He was trying to get his attention. In fact, he does it in such a way that it's very clear who's doing this. So Joab goes to talk with Absalom and ask him why he's doing this. He said, I got to see him.

I've got to talk to him. I can't take it. Look, if he wants to put me to death, then find so be It I just can't stay living right here, right in the middle of not knowing. There's a moment we could to talked, there's a moment he could have said something and we're just floating out in the middle of nothing. Mean, imagine the pain and anguish a child feels that in order to get attention from their parent, they have to light something on fire.

Now if you're a parent, you understand this. If you've ever been a kid, you understand this. Like sometimes we do things, we set some stuff on fire, maybe not literally, but we're trying to get some attention and we know I need to see your face, I need to hear your voice and I'll do anything to get it, even if it's negative.

So we have to ask ourselves, are we really listening? Right this listening crossroads. There's a moment where I could lean in, right? Love sometimes require us to confront, but sometimes it requires us to listen to just stop talking and stop moving and stop working and stop being on your phone. Could you turn that off?

Could you make some eye contact? Could you just listen to me?

Job arranges this meeting and it's kind of more of a public deal. Nothing is really resolved. They see each other, they hug and they weep a little bit and David forgives them. But that's about the extent of it, that's about as far as it goes. So for the next four years, Absalom starts plotting and scheming.

In fact, scripture tells us that he would go to the gate where people would come in and they would bring their challenges. They want to go to the king and Absalom'm going to say, hey, you got an argument, you got a legit beef. And man, if I were judge, oh man, if someone would just make me judge, well then I'd help you out, I'd solve this one for you. This is a no brainer, but there ain't no way you're getting in to see that dude. Too busy, too much going on.

We're told that Absalom begins to steal the heart of the people. So David now comes to his third crossroad. Sometimes love requires us to confront. Sometimes it requires us to listen. Sometimes it requires us to speak, to say something.

Here was a moment that David could have seized this opportunity to speak into the life of his son, to try to move past their past. But instead he doesn't say anything. And so when the moment's right, Absalom seizes for himself. He seizes a moment, an opportunity where he can now take control of the situation and he does. And now David is the one who sent out into exile.

David is the one on the run for his life. A really kind of familiar position. He hadn't been there in a long time, but he's back there now. He's plotting and scheming and trying to stay alive. And he knows he's going to have to do something.

We add on top of that that then Absalom subjects his father. You want a little humiliation, Pop? I'll show you a little humiliation. And so he takes all of his concubines that David left behind when he fled the city and he sleeps with them right there on the roof, right in public for everybody to know about. Just this utterly degrading and humiliating experience, as I imagine Absalom thought, now you know how it feels.

Now you know what it's like.

So David has to scheme. You has to fight one more battle, only this time it's against his own flesh and blood, his son. And so he sends his three generals out as the battle is about to take place. But he gives him this one last command. He says the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Itai saying, deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.

And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders concerning Absalom. And David said, keep me in mind, deal gently with him. Everybody heard it. It's not longer after that that we learn that Absalom, who's a handsome man, we've learned the last couple of chapters that he's strong and he's good looking and he has this head of hair, he said it's so thick and it's so lush that when he cuts it, it weighs five pounds. Just flowing, wonderful hair.

And in the battle, he's moving throughout the territory and that beautiful, wonderful, flowing hair gets caught in an oak tree and the scrub brush and his donkey keeps going, but he just stays and he's hanging, vulnerable. And Joab finds out about it. And Joab goes over and he takes his knife out and he cuts him down. He says, son, it's time to come home. And he says, okay, take me to see my dad.

And they go, right, oh, wait a minute. No, sorry, wrong version. That could have happened. That's not what happens. David doesn't seize his opportunity.

Absalom does. And so does Joe. Out, we're told Job kills him right there. And word eventually gets back to David. And when it does, as is often the case when we get word back, tragic word, devastating word, right this moment of Clarity comes, and David finally says the one thing he couldn't bring himself to say.

Only now he can't stop saying it. It's like it's stored up in his heart for years and years and years. And now, in this moment of devastation and loss and grief, he can't stop. My son. My son.

My son. My son. Absalom. My son. Oh, if it had only been me.

If it had only been me. Not you. Oh, my son.

His heart breaks, as I am sure he is flooded with memories of all these crossroads I just blew right through. And what I wouldn't give to be able to go back to one. Just say, God, if I could just have a moment again to confront this thing. I seemed so important at the time and just so hard and so I just missed it. Or that time when I could have just sat him down and said, son, we’ve got to talk.

What's going on? Tell me the truth. What's happening? What's the deal? Just listen.

Or maybe that time when I could have said, son, enough is enough. Stop. We've got to stop. We've got to stop. See, for some of us this morning, there's a word that needs to be said, and you know it.

We have the courage to say it. Don't wait until this moment of regret when you can't go back. Would you speak that word that needs to be said? Maybe it I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Or maybe it's I forgive you. We can't change what happened, but, man, we could change where we go from here. And it doesn't mean we just pretend like none of this ever happened. It doesn't just mean people can do or say whatever they want and there's no consequences. That's not the truth.

That's not the testimony of scripture. We saw that last week in this Bathsheba story. We see how it's bled into this week. There are consequences. But if you're willing, if you are willing, you can do it with God.

God says, I will give you the strength. I will ll walk with you through this. What is the word that you need to speak? What's the word that God is inviting you? Would you say it this week?

Maybe it's my son. Maybe it's my daughter. Maybe it's a dad, Mom.

Maybe it's, hey, boss, can we have a conversation? Hey, employee, can we have a conversation?

What's the word?

Don't do what David did and assign yourself a life of regret by not being willing to speak a word at that crossroad and one of my favorite descriptions of Jesus. I loved Amanda's meditation reminding us that, hey, this is the place, the table where we gather. We reminded we're family. Jonathan said the answer right. Jesus is there.

One of my favorite descriptions of him is found in John’s gospel and the term that's used to describe Jesus there is the word, the living word. In fact, it's the living word, full of grace and truth. But it’s not just a word that kind of hangs out, it's a word that actually intervenes. It's a word that takes a step in our direction. In fact, John tells us the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

We've seen the glory of the Father, the one and only Son who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. He church this week you're going to meet a relational crossroad. The love is going to require something of you. And I'm praying, may God bless us with the courage and the strength to answer the call. Maybe it's to confront, maybe it's just to sit down and listen.

Maybe it's to say a word. I'll trust the Holy Spirit to prompt you on which one of those it is. But may God bless us as together we try to live more fully into that type of heart. God, I do pray that for us as a church. Would you help us to be the men and women that we need to be?

Would you open our eyes and our ears to the crossroads that we're facing in our lives? I know some this morning they're thinking of a picture of a person right now. A person in their minds has just come up. God, would you give them the courage to take that next step of faith and to do what David wasn't willing to do in that moment in this life? God, would you help us to be willing to do it in this one?

Would you help us to confront with love, with grace, with truth? Would you help us to help us to listen, to just be quiet, to get real still, to put down any distraction, our phone, our tv, turn the TV off, whatever we need to do. Would you help us to listen or God, would you help us to say a word in that moment when a word is most needed? It Would you help us have the courage to speak it? Father, thank you, Holy Spirit, would you come and fill us and you're welcome.

Would you show us the way? Jesus, thank you for being the living word. May we follow in your way this week in Jesus name, amen.